tonyatthedisco | Reading

the craziest thing happened to me in government on friday. i was talking to the cute guy beside me (aka govt boy) and suddenly we got onto the topic of music. he asked "do you like blink 182?" i go "i like a few songs" then he asked "do you like fall out boy?"

do i like fall out boy? holy shit. i could've thrown up all over my desk right then and there. im always the one asking about fob, so to have someone ask me is like a dream come true. what do you mean i've had class with this guy all year and im only just now finding out he's actually cool? i learned that he skateboards, plays volleyball, plays three instruments, and is in a band (a cover band but still). oh my god? have i been praying for something that has been in front of me all along?

he might play down at the guitar center with his friends, and i told him to let me know when. i hope they're good.

Current Mood: enthralled

I think I got a job???

I recently sent my resume to a school even though I wasn’t interested in going back to work in education (interning at two schools almost drove me crazy in 2023 lol). In the end, they liked me so much that they offered me a full-time position as a classroom assistant. I was really surprised, because I went there to apply for an internship, not an assistant position. In addition, I thought I’d done poorly on the pedagogical German test (the school is bilingual) and don't even have much experience in the field. This position is for grades 1-4, which is a bit better than I expected (the internship would've been in early childhood education, which terrifies me). It’s not my dream job, but earning more than minimum wage and having a formal contract is enough to convince me to work there. I don’t even care anymore that the school is far away from my house (I’ll have to leave the house at 5 in the morning to get to work and juggle it with my night classes ugh).

Unfortunately, I only saw the recruiter’s message after her workday ended, so I won’t hear back until Monday.

Current Mood: surprised
Current Location: São Paulo, Brazil

finally got a chance to do this, i kept forgetting about it lol

1. What do you consider your current main fandom? (This can include hobbies and collecting. Anything you feel fannish about!)

> currently bandom. i mostly collect cds, but i have the whole deal. posters, photocards, freebies from shows, blablablaahah

2. What was your first fandom?

> i don’t really remember it, but it was probably somewhere between undertale or fnaf (and fnafhs. loud sigh)

3. Do you have any favorite headcanons or fan theories?

> i’m really into the headcanons for the characters from the america's suitehearts vid. especially the one where benzedrine is actually this really sad emotionally exhausted dude behind the happy image he portrays lol

4. Have you ever created fanworks?

> don't even let get started on that, fanart is actually what pushed me into art as a whole methinks. honestly, without fanworks, i don't think i’d be even half the person i am today

5. Are you still active in any old fandoms?

> not really, sometimes i get that weird nostalgic feeling of going back to old fandoms, but i'm not that active tbh :- p

Current Mood: lazy

I (thankfully) got to leave school early today, I woke up in the WORST MOOD, on the verge of tears thinking about my unpaid labor of the day, and as if THAT wasn't bad enough, in the middle of algebra there was a drill apparently, I, however, did not catch the "this is a drill" part and only heard the "there is a bomb in the gym" part. My class was RIGHT next to the gym so I thought I was NOT leaving school with my life today for about 5 minutes. Come ON PEOPLE. Why would you say "there is bomb in the gym" can't you just say it was a bomb drill?? These people are so extra ugh.

If I had a nickel for every time I got to do a project on a singer I like, I'd have two nickels. I did one on Travie McCoy and now I'm going at it again with Jeff Buckley (RIP).

I'm so annoyed with school, why can't we take our last test and have school be over? My civics test is tuesday next week, and my science is thursday next week. Then my algebra test is tuesday, may 19th.

Also! The Academy Is is playing at warped!!! Yay!!!

Current Music: Your Nickel Ain't Worth My Dime - Sleeping With Sirens

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

These questions were written by

pebbleinalake.

1. What do you consider your current main fandom? (This can include hobbies and collecting. Anything you feel fannish about!)

2. What was your first fandom?

3. Do you have any favorite headcanons or fan theories?

4. Have you ever created fanworks?

5. Are you still active in any old fandoms?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!

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Books
The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath (1963)
Fight Club - Chuck Palahniuk (1996)
The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka (1915)
The Stranger - Albert Camus (1942)
Invisible Monsters - Chuck Palahniuk (1999)
The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde (1890)
Crime And Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky (1866)
Dead Poets Society - Nancy H. Kleinbaum (1989)

Movies
28 Days Later (2001)
American Satan (2017)
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Fight Club (1999)
Dead Poets Society (1989)
Donnie Darko (2001)
Speak (2004)
Midsommar (2019)
Prozac Nation (2001)
Ginger Snaps (2000)
The Craft (1996)
Grease (1978)
Pretty Woman (1990)
Snakes on a Plane (2006)

I'll be marking these off as I go!

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: My Propeller - The Artic Monkeys

I had to do testing today...

Since I'm in Florida I take the FAST, though it's probably the easiest test ever, it's that way since what, the 5th grade? This time around, I got another 5 with a score of 278.

My next test (algebra) is on the 19th. The last day of school is May 29th.

I'm not done reading To Kill a Mockingbird, I really want to finish it, I'm on page 200(?)

I'll make a TBR and TBW in the next post for points of ref.

Look at me to insanity.
Look at me to madness.

As I look in the mirror,
the one looking back isn't me.
It couldn't be me.

My skin holds the consequences of the thoughts I couldn't bear,
expressed physically, and violently.
And now those thoughts are smeared all over the floor, the red taunting me with my reflection.

And the walls lean in to listen as the glass crunches under my shoe, eager to hear the words I'd never say.
And the walls don't know what they want to hear,
because they taunt me too.

Is living truly the art they claim it is?
With no sense of direction, no way to know where to go,
it cannot be la folie à deux,

But,
it can be,
la folie d'un seul.

Current Mood: apathetic

is it the air, or just the weight of salt
behind my eyes that makes me lightheaded?
the years are fake memories now,
fever dreams i’d sworn were real

i was a vessel-
stuck in an endless summer,
ruined by hands like mine
left to rot in a matter of minutes.

i used to blush at the weight of a secret,
but young hearts are only sponges-
you absorb the world as it is,
enact the scripts you never really wrote.
and so, misery found me early.
does the ghost of that boy visit you?
do his tears finally haunt your sleep,
or was it all just a weird game?

ps. most of my nightmares have your face in them

briel

Current Mood: discontent

i keep wanting to do the Thing because i'm sad and im sooo hungry because i'm sad... i wanna eat a big giant steak or be fed a big giant steak or just eat ANYTHING until i'm so full that i can't move. i don't really know what to do and idk why talking to edward abt it didn't help cuz talking to people alwayssss helps with the urge... it only helped a tiny bit when it should have helped a LOT like it usually does? and obviously this wouldn't even happen if i just had a mom that wasn't emotionally abusive in my formative years bro... why scream in a 3 year old's face and throw things and hit and shove the whole fucking dining room table into that same kid until they get big enough to try and fight back. she's so lucky i never fought back and i wish i DID because now its just not right to do. instead i want a psychiatrist to tell her the full extent of what she did to my mind so she feels bad. i want someone really brave and mean to yell at her so she'll actually be sorry.

Current Music: carry me ohio by sun kil moon

yayyyy i just cleaned out my wardrobe!!! i actually didn't have to throw away as many things as i thought cuz apparently old clothes can be shredded and turned into insulation or whatever. yay for recycling. all the other stuff i got rid of is gonna be donated. oh and i realized that after going through everything, the MAJORITY of my t-shirts are really old and faded ones that i only wear to bed or around the house. i have like, five t-shirts that can be worn outside. mayyybe six but honestly maybe not. and i also have a few tank tops and a few sweaters. but guess what bro?? ITS GETTING WARM AGAIN... no more sweater. idk what i expected though its literally may. MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH US ALL...

i final'd and i think i final'd good. I got an 81 on my art history exam SOMEHOW, because i studied more for this exam than i did for the midterm!!! not that an 81 is bad, but it kinda sucks since its OPEN NOTE. also, the film and media studies midterm and final were pretty long compared to the art history ones. around 20 to 30 mulitple choice and two essays, but the essays don't have to be too long. the final had three essays and one was supposed to be longer than the others but i actually think i aced that shit.

today i also vacuumed the fuck out of my floor. next time i clean i'm probably gonna mop both my bedroom and bathroom floors because there's a ton of hard water stains around the shower and a ton of marks around my desk from my office chair. i should also clean my bathroom but bruh i think i did enough cleaning for today lmao.

sooo about the big article i was gonna make my parents read... i haven't even looked at it to revise it yet but truuuust meee, its gonna happen. maybe i could also ask my friends to read it from the perspective of a super transphobic parent and point out what they think is wrong with it. and also so i'm prepared to face rejection. yeah it sucks to do this but its WAYYYY less sucky then not doing anything about it!!! i'd rather do this shit and get yelled at than never even stand up for myself!!! FUCK IT WE BALL!!!

random thought i had but if i really wanna keep those old shirts, i'll just alter them and make some cuts and weaving bullshit and temporarily give it a second life before it literally falls apart. fuck fast fashion i wear my clothes until they DIE.

Current Mood: yippee
Current Location: a CLEAN desk
Current Music: walk in the park by beach house

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Current Mood: blank
Current Music: 27 - Fall Out Boy

finally doing the friday five since i didn't forget it for once

1. Do you like to spend time outdoors?

yes..but not when the bugs start to come out. i wouldn't say im super scared of bugs, but i definitely hate them

2. What is your favorite flower?

im not really a flower person but hydrangeas are cool. flowers just attract bugs and they don't really smell all that good either.

3. Any favorite warm weather activities?

probably just swimming. everything else i do when its warm, i also do when its cold.

4. Have you ever kept a garden? If so, what did you grow?

i helped my mom keep a garden for maybe like a month. we grew tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers... just veggies basically. we stop caring for it after a little

5. Do you know how to swim?

i can doggy paddle heh

Current Mood: tired

Doing this again since idk what to post

1. Do you like to spend time outdoors?
Yes! Roaming around and finding things is pretty fun

2. What is your favorite flower?
That's really hard, maybe vanilla flowers? Foxglove is very beautiful, though.

3. Any favorite warm weather activities?
Beach, pool, hanging out with friends. I'm not a warm weather person so I'm not sure

4. Have you ever kept a garden? If so, what did you grow?
Nope, my mom has though, but I don't know the name of a single flower she has.

5. Do you know how to swim?
Yep, I learned by the time I was six.

Current Mood: bored

These questions were written by

pebbleinalake.

1. Do you like to spend time outdoors?

2. What is your favorite flower?

3. Any favorite warm weather activities?

4. Have you ever kept a garden? If so, what did you grow?

5. Do you know how to swim?

Copy and paste to your own journal, then reply to this post with a link to your answers. If your journal is private or friends-only, you can post your full answers in the comments below.

If you'd like to suggest questions for a future Friday Five, then do so on DreamWidth or LiveJournal. Old sets that were used have been deleted, so we encourage you to suggest some more!

**Remember that we rely on you, our members, to help keep the community going. Also, please remember to play nice. We are all here to answer the questions and have fun each week. We repost the questions exactly as the original posters submitted them and request that all questions be checked for spelling and grammatical errors before they're submitted. Comments re: the spelling and grammatical nature of the questions are not necessary. Honestly, any hostile, rude, petty, or unnecessary comments need not be posted, either.**

today i said "fuck it we ball" by sitting outside and reading this long ass article for film and media studies and then spending less than two minutes on the quiz but still getting 12/12 points. my computer's battery is ass though so i'm already at 15%. i MIGHT buy a new battery soon but honestly i don't really worry about it and it's not tooooo terribly bad.

my last.fm tag bubble doohickey looks really strange (i just found out what that is a few hours ago) and its just... a bunch of itty bitty random tags around shoegaze and dreampop in HUUUGE letters. meaning that i ONLY listen to shoegaze and barely anything else because the bigger the word the more you've listened. okay time to go back inside because i'm somehow at 8% already. poo. also that's just the past week but it looks nearly the same when you switch to all time.

Current Mood: chillin
Current Location: balcony
Current Music: wii miss u by zorrovian

i haven't even slept yet because i'm thinking about my mom. yeah i was hit, yeah i was screamed at, yeah i've been dismissed and ignored, and i most definitely didn't turn out okay, but i keep thinking that she's changed. i could claim "abuse" all i want and it still doesn't change the fact that she pays for my college and my skincare that doesn't work. but at the end of the day... she never changed. i learned to change around her so she would never find out that i was changing in ways she didn't like. she would probably buy me a car before admitting that she was wrong for calling me stupid and slow, and throwing things and slapping me and shoving the whole fucking dining room table into my little 8 year old body. I would rather crash that fucking car and die than ever have to explain to a grown woman that abuse is bad and i can't forgive someone that can't AT LEAST say sorry. all this money and for some reason you can't afford to say sorry? never form a thought ever again.

i'm gonna show my parents that essay i wrote last semester, and they'll see why i never asked them for help. part of me wants to revise the whole thing to make it more palatable, but the logical part of me knows that i've watered myself down for years and years, so why sugarcoat this? i've already done enough revising to make it more palatable to imaginary readers. my parents don't deserve any more revisions because they tried to revise a real, living, breathing person with thoughts and feelings. i cannot and will not be ignored any longer.

Current Location: muh bed

Just a quote from the book Malina by Ingeborg Bachmann that's been on my mind lately:

"Sometimes a person gets lucky, but I'm sure most women are never lucky. What I’m talking about has nothing to do with the supposition that there are some men who are good lovers, there really aren’t. That is a legend that has to be destroyed someday, at most there are men with whom it is completely hopeless and a few with whom it’s not quite so hopeless. Although no one has bothered to inquire, that is the reason why only women always have their heads full of feelings and stories, with their man or men. Such thoughts really do consume the greatest part of every woman’s time. But she has to think about it, because without her unflagging pushing and prompting of feelings, she could literally never bear being with a man, since every man truly is sick and hardly takes any notice of her."

(Translation from German by Philip Boehm)

Current Mood: pensive
Current Location: São Paulo, Brazil
Current Music: Heavy Metal Lover - Lady Gaga

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Antonii

April 2026

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Page generated May. 10th, 2026 11:03 pm

I am a Collection of Peoples Worst Mistakes.

And cut!

Reading

808

My first real job???

friday five (wooho yay)

If I Had A Nickel...

April 2026 Playlist

The Friday Five for 8 May 2026

mom?

To Be Read And To Be Watched

(no subject)

Regarde-moi jusqu'à la folie.

"nobody likes to read the bad news now"

i want food

i cleaned

5/1/26

may 1st friday five

Friday Five....

The Friday Five for 1 May 2026

today's episode of fuck it we ball:

5 AM and i know how i'll heal now

Es gibt keine guten Liebhaber

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April 2026

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